Don’t get me wrong – writing is also a lot about healing. And that’s exactly what I did with my latest concept The Rewind Duology all about time travel, coming of age, and romance. And oh yeah – the unresolved pain and frustration I had leftover from my less-than-satisfactory grade school years. Obviously, I’m 25 years old now and that feels like a lifetime ago, but this story concept felt like it was on fire inside me. I can’t explain the feeling of having to get a story out or else I was sure I would burst, but that’s how I felt.
As for my next book concept Breakup Queen, I’m having a lot of trouble actually sitting down to write. Sure, I could maybe blame it at least partially on the fact that I’m a professional content writer and editor now, so it’s not unheard for me to spend basically the entire day at my laptop. That’s super draining even though I love it and know I’ll be financially set with this career path someday.
But I later realized, there was another variable as to why I haven’t felt motivated to write this story. Where The Rewind Duology was a burning fire in the pit of my stomach, Breakup Queen was a barely-lit ember. I know my story, I know the characters, I even know the multiple layers I want to add to it.
And yet, there’s something still that’s missing from it. That thing, apparently, is known as rage. In the Rewind Duology, I was so angry at my past, and knew that the only way to heal was to write about it. Part of it also, was that reading and writing romance helped me cope with being single. Well, you know what else? I’m not single anymore – I’m in an extremely committed relationship with my boyfriend and I’ve never been happier.
So now, it seems the magic is gone with my writing. My real life has, quite literally, gotten more incredible than any story I feel like I could write. I mean, I actually fell in love with the shy, quiet drummer I met in band camp about 11 years ago. Can’t make this shit up! I’m almost like the fans critical of Taylor Swift for writing an album about being happy in a relationship for once. Since she got together with Joe Alwyn, fans were skeptical of her ability to produce an album that hit quite as hard as her angry breakup anthems. But she did – Lover may not be my favorite album of hers, but I thoroughly enjoyed many of the songs on there, and it was nice to see the lighter side of Taylor after the grit and angst of the previous full-length album Reputation.
But back to Breakup Queen… I’m not angry anymore. And I’ve met (or rather, re-met) someone who truly loves me. So what right do I have writing a fake-dating rockstar romance with a bitchy protagonist?
Luckily, creative writing isn’t about obligation – as Simon Cowell on American Idol would say, it’s just indulgent. But that’s entirely the point, and that’s entirely okay. I think I have to take the pressure off writing for myself. Yeah, I do hope to traditionally publish this one, but first, I gotta tell myself the story.
I hate resorting to the typical cliché of “you can’t edit a blank page” but it’s so true! Somehow, some way, I hope to hit some kind of rhythm with my writing where it doesn’t feel like pulling teeth putting words onto the page anymore. It’s not writer’s block, it’s more like a lack of focus and motivation. But at least I’ve diagnosed the issue. It’s funny how much emotions fuel writing – especially when it’s an intense emotion like rage or longing. Now, I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted in life, so it’s hard to be angsty enough to write an angsty character.
Fingers crossed something happens to inspire me soon (but hopefully not, because anything negative would also really suck).
If you’d like to chat about writing or freelancing, drop me a line on my website angelinasinger.com (I promise I don’t bite). Thanks for reading this far, if you have 💜
P.S. – Come meet me THIS WEEKEND at the Scituate Farmer’s Market in RI (Peep my events page for all the deets on that). Hope to see you there!